And just so you know... no... it's not me going through a divorce. Though... I am a factor, seeing as it's my fiance that still needs to go through the whole divorce debacle with his cheating ex. Unfortunately, my fiance that's one of those nice guys that hate drama and conflict, so he's kind of trying to do this without stepping on anyone's toes (which I had to laugh at, because... it's a divorce from someone that cheated on him... there's no way that you're going to get out of that without stepping on someone's toes in the process).

I called my dad to give me any insight he had on the whole ordeal, though, without really getting to see what the ex is basically demanding from us, he just gave me an overview to go over with with my fiance at this point. On the same token, he did also tell me that maybe I want to get as many opinions as I could on the ordeal. So... I turn to Murqury City -- why? Because Merq is my first online community that was like a family when I was around.

I can really do nothing but try to go over anything and any material given that would possibly help in the case of a rather idiotic choice in the first place. All I can really do is... well... do what a judge basically does and weigh the information given to me. Just... unlike a judge, I run on a justice system, not a law system (or a discriminatory system, as most judges do, seeing as women are stereotyped as people that have to be supported since apparently we can't take care of ourselves for some reason). :\

Anyways... a basic overview that I have that happened in that previous relationship are as follows:

>Had a child on ex's wants and desires before the marriage and before fiance went into the military. (first and main stupid mistake)
>Married at ages nineteen (fiance) and twenty (ex) (the second stupid mistake)
>Fiance goes off to the military.
>Ex has argument with fiance that he's never home enough to take care of child. (which was also stupid, because he was the only one making an income because he was in the military).
>Stressed out fiance and was diagnosed with being bipolar due to stress of ex and child.
>Had to return home on honourable discharge and took care of kids (his own and ex's sister's).
>Two months after ex found horrible job, engaged in adulterous activities behind fiance's back.
>Ex later kicks out fiance, takes everything he owns (except computer and clothes), and leaves him out homeless and derives him from child.
>Four, almost five years later, we finally receive the divorce papers from her without so much as communication with child or her in that time besides the occasional email going, "I'm going to send you the divorce papers."

So other than that, I am saving the outbursts and rants for places where I feel I can be myself without getting... well... banned for it. ^^; And... I guess I can show people the forms of divorce papers we actually got, because it's actually pretty funny: http://edivorcepapers.com/texas-divorce-forms-and-papers.html -- basically, a place I can't really trust since most attorneys and lawyers that I've looked at are part of sites that have .org or .net -- not .com, which makes me skeptical. As I said in a rant to a friend of mine, "It's like a website made by angry women that decided they wanted to make a site to make them feel like they knew plenty about law, when in all actuality, it's completely laughable."

I don't really know what to do at the moment since my fiance seems to like putting this off for some reason, and any time I try to get it done, he tells me, "don't worry about it. I'll get it finished." -- problems with that is that I cannot deal with the stress that this is bringing me, preventing me to stay focused on certain things even when I try. And... the bigger concern is that my fiance procrastinates... a lot.

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I read the entire post, twice. What is it you want an opinion on? The ex or what you should do next?

Your guy sounds really quite submissive, and you say so yourself that he's one of those nice guys. Nice guys will be abused by people who view it as a weakness and not a kindness. It's a shame for him.

It's a difficult and akward situation to be in, for you both. People who really hate conflicts, will put off something like this for as long as possible. And, add the fact that he's a procrastinator, increases the length of time it'll take him to do it. People like that (and I'm one of them) need to be kicked up the arse (in a nice gentle way) to get things done sometimes. Him putting it off sounds (to me anyway) that he's just really uncomfortable with it, enough to make him not want to deal with it.

With relationships, when the two people in them can't sit down and talk about everything that stresses them out, somethings wrong. Without that fundemental communication, it's counter productive to the future of your happiness together. And from what you said, it's obvious that this big thing is getting in the way of yous moving on with your lives. Sooner he sorts it out, the better for you both.

Behind every strong man there's a strong women. I didn't understand that until I found myself a strong women. I wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for her pushing me to get things done. Not saying you need to push, but sit down, talk and guide him through it if you can.

That's my post anyway without really knowing what it is you're asking for. Let me know what you think so I can give you an opinion you asked for.

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Well... it's more of what I should do next, or try to guide my fiance to do next. I have been calling my dad a lot throughout this process to see what he can tell me on it. He tells me some of the same things over and over again, all I can really do is nod and say, "I understand, I'll try to do these things."

Unfortunately... that is the truth. :C;; I love him and all, there are just sometimes I want to smack him and tell him to man up instead of letting people walk all over him like a doormat. Another unfortunate fact is that... I kind of have explosive anger after a while if I'm trying to be really nice about the situation and then get stiffed from information I feel I'm obligated to know, especially if we plan on being in each others' lives. I've tried to talk to my fiance about the situation, tho he says that since it stresses me out so much, that maybe I 'shouldn't be involved in the situation'.

We've sat down and talked about it several times already because I feel like I'm taking it more seriously than he is at this point. I've even told him that it feels like he doesn't even understand how it makes me feel about the whole situation. Especially with a child involved (not to mention that he decided to wait a year before even telling me he had one). Tho... I feel like that since he's heard me talk so much about this situation that he's just nodding his head and going 'okay' to tune me out. Even after my point of view of, "I can't handle a child right now -- we can't even pay child support for it! We're both homeless and living at my friend's one-bedroom apartment because he's actually nice enough to let us stay. Not to mention that we don't have jobs."

After the first couple of days of this thread being posted, I didn't know what to think about the divorce papers, and I was really worried about how my fiance would act about it, to be honest. However... I did call my dad... again... about them. He asked me if there was a judge signature and if there was a case number on it. This actually makes me worry less about the papers at this point (even if they are from a laughable website), mostly because my fiance's ex... didn't get them filed. So there was no case number or judge/law representative's signature on it.

Anyways... overall... I guess I'm just asking for a little more help on the situation, what I can do to ease the stress... for both myself and my fiance.

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"Stressed out fiance and was diagnosed with being bipolar"

It's such a horrid condition to be diagnosed with I think. I don't have it, but I'm well aware of its effect on people. This would be a large factor into how he deals with a lot of things. I'm sure you know this, but I felt it was important to have it pointed out really. I can understand how being you, would make it very frustrating.

I'll mention communication again, since it sounds like you guys aren't working it out in a way which suits you both. He stiffs you out of the situation you guys are in when you try to talk to him about it, this would suit him, because it makes it easier to ignore the divorce. This obviously doesn't suit you, because you're left with pent up anger due to not being satisfied with what you know, and what he's doing to solve it. You have to tell him, that he may be right when he says the situation stresses you out, but you find yourself much more stressed when he shuts you out. So when he does that, he's not helping you, but is making you feel more stress, which he shouldn't be wanting to occur. So, he might be doing what he does to help you (excluding you from it all) but if you were to tell him he isn't helping by cutting you out, perhaps he'll revert himself and include you on something which effects you both. He ought to realise that I think.

He sounds like the kind of person who doesn't want to realise reality, his situation, so when he seems to be shutting it out with his responces of "okay" when you speak to him. It seems to be that this is his way of coping, by ignoring the scenario which isn't a great one. Of course you realise that this isn't the best way to handle it.

He has to battle with his diagnosed condition, enough to make the effort you require him to make. This is his mess, not yours, you shouldn't be the one to battle for him to get things done so you can move ahead. Since you are in a relationship with him, he has to realise that you're there to help him through it, that's your responsibility. If you can't get him to talk to you meaningfully, then there isn't much you can do. If it were me I wouldn't give him nor let my partner get away with not communicating with me effectively, not would she allow me to do it either. So if you guys can't talk about this, then you can only hope he'll do it himself, which from what you say, doesn't seem like any time soon.

I'm not trained in reading people, this is something written from my experience with certain things. I haven't experienced divorce, but I've experienced some of the problems you talk about. You asked for someone experienced in divorce, I don't usually reply to people who ask for something specific. I decided to post because no one else did. If what I say helps at good, great. If it doesn't, well at least I made an effort I suppose.

Really though, I always experience great stress relief when I talk over a problem with my wife, more so when it's a problem one of us doesn't want to discuss. Once you break that "I'm closing you out" barrier, it brings you closer together. Once one person shuts the other out, it creates a barrier which I don't think belongs within a healthy relationship.

I'm 24 years old, I have much to learn. But so far things are going well for me and the relationships I hold dear.

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i work for a divorce attorney. shit's rough.

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Long time wait, sorry about that and if I caused any form of worry.

Anyways... we've got a lot of things handled now in terms of communication and things of the like. I certainly feel a lot better with my fiance and what we're doing to get this whole ordeal situated. It's probably going to take a while with everything going on, yes... but now that we've gotten the communication barrier down and dealt with, it feels like it's going to be smooth sailing with him to get this other obstacle out of the way. Luckily, my dad was also able to help with it recently, since he came over and sat down to talk with my fiance about the situation and how he can't just continue to put it to the side.

Other than that... anything else that would be stressing me out at all is just the divorce process and how we can do it so it doesn't benefit her. *shrugs* I mean, as far as I see it, she doesn't deserve any kind of support from us since she decided to submit to infidelity with another man and basically kicked my fiance out of her life without so much as a 'fuck you' note on the door/counter/etc. Plus, her not really complying to the paternity test raises another red flag with us.

Anyways... we're seeing as to what we can do at this point. Finally got contact with free legal consultants as well, so hopefully we'll be able to get clarification on some of the faults and no-faults that Texas has and how we can better use that to our advantage as well as some of the other things that we have been wondering.

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