A Christian man who loved to ride his bike was biking out on the coast in Oregon one sunny Saturday morning. The weather couldn't have been much better. All of a sudden, God appeared before him.

"Son," said God in his big booming voice, "you have been faithful and pious all your life. For this, I feel that you must be rewarded. I will grant you one wish, anything you want."

The man thought for a minute. "Alright God, I suppose I would love it if there were a bridge from this spot right here all the way to Hawaii, that way I could ride my bike there and back on lovely days like this."

God frowned. "My son, think about your wish carefully. Such a bridge would be extremely costly! Think of the cement pillars that would have to stretch all the way to the bottom of the ocean. Why, it would most likely clean wipe out many of the world's resources! Can't you think of anything you would want more yet wouldn't hurt the rest of the world so much?"

The man thought for a few minutes. "Well, God," said the man, "I guess what I'd REALLY like, more than anything, is to really, truly understand my wife. When she makes a face, I want to know what she's thinking. When she asks me something, I want to know the perfect answer. When she's mad, I want to know exactly what to do to make her happy again. That's what I truly want."

God hesitated a moment, and then spoke. "Do you want two lanes on that bridge, or four?"

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Haha! Genious.

That dude's one serious bike rider. The coast in Oregon is all wet sand and crappy weather.

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Crap, now you'd think I was lying if I told you I was totally waiting for someone to point that out (and by someone I mean a certain noted Portland-dweller). I've never been to Oregon. I should probably make it California next time I tell the joke, then. Here's another genie joke, in slightly poor taste but not too bad I hope.

A bear is chasing a rabbit through the forest one day when a genie suddenly appeared before them. Speaking in a loud, thunderous voice, the genie declared, "I can see that neither of you are happy. Bear, you are hungry and can't catch food. Rabbit, you're being chased by a bear. I will grant each of you three wishes. Bear, you may go first."

The bear, sort of a slow thinker, made his first wish: "I wish all the bears in this forest were female!" His wish was granted.

The rabbit then thought about it, smiled, and wished for a crash helmet. Slightly puzzled, the genie shrugged his shoulders and snapped his fingers and the rabbit had his helmet.

The bear then made his second wish: "I wish all the bears in the WORLD were female!"

The rabbit chuckled to himself and wished for a motorcycle. The genie once again shrugged and granted rabbit his motorcycle.

The bear, grinning wildly, then made his third and final wish: "I wish all the bears in the world were insanely attracted to me!!"

The rabbit mounted his motorcycle, put on his helmet, gunned the engine and darted off into the thick of the forest, shouting over his shoulder, "I wish this bear was gay!"

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Not bad...

This joke contains swears.

One day, two friends were talking, Bill and Al.

"Oh man Al," says Bob, "I have to tell you this awful story. So this past week at the train station, I wanted a train ticket to go to Pittsburgh. Well just my luck, the girl at the ticket counter had one of the nicest pairs of breasts I've ever seen! So instead of asking for one ticket to Pittsburgh, I slipped up and asked for one picket to Tittsburgh!"

"Oh man, Bob," says Al, "that's embarrassing alright. I think something like that happened to me the other night as well. There I was, just sitting at my dining room table eating dinner with my wife. I had plenty of steak on my plate, and plenty of mashed potatoes, and I realized I was missing a nice big pile of peas. So I opened my mouth to ask her to pass the peas, but I slipped up, and what came out was 'YOU FUCKING BITCH YOU RUINED MY LIFE'"

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Hahaha..

It wasn't as witty as the last joke but I still found it pretty funny

Shacknasty_Jim that joke was funny as hell, as i was readin it i was tryin to think of sum kinda pun for peas. lol that was really funny!

ok then folks, this aint a laugh out loud joke but its stupid and amuses me


Two idiot farmers share a field together, in the field each keeps a horse. Everyday the two would meet up to care for the horses, so they each knew which horse was which they had a ribbon tied into one of the horses tails. Upon feeling the ribbon in the tail each farmer would feed and clean his own horse.

Now one tragic day the farmers turned up to find that the ribbon had come loose and there was no way of telling which horse to care for. Both sat on a grassy bank staring at the horses all day trying to think up a solution to the problem.

As the sun was about to set one of the farmers shouted 'IVE GOT IT'. 'WHAT' cried the other. 'Ok' said the farmer 'this is how we will solve the problem, you take the white one and I'll have the black one'.



Camping Idiots joke (and a bit sick as well)

Two idiots went out camping for a week, by the 5th day each of them were bored of each other telling the same camp fire story. 'i know' said the first idiot 'lets each walk off in a different direction, then, meet back here tomorrow and talk about our aventure', 'great' said the second idiot, and off they both went into the forest.

the following evening the two met up around the camp fire and told their story. the first idiot starts 'Well I went up to the highest mountain where I watched the most beautiful sunset and then sat amongst the clearest stars ive ever seen, it was truly breathtaking'.

'Wow' said the second 'thats real nice, but let me tell you about mine. I headed off through the trees and found a stream, i followed the stream to a train track and as i followed the train track i came across a beautiful woman who had been tied down on them. Upon freeing her she was so gratefull that we set up a camp and made love all night under the stars you spoke of'. "wow' said the first idiot ' so tell me did she even give you a blow job?'. 'No' repied the second idiot 'I never found her head'.

How do you tell if someones drunk on a ship?
Their the only person that walks in a straight line.

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An American, a Brit and a Mexican are on a plane. The Brit takes a teabag and throws it out of the plane.
"Why did you do that?" asks the Mexican.
"There are too many of those in my country," replied the Brit.
The Mexican takes a taco and throws it out the plane.
"Why did you do that?" asks the American.
"There are too many of those in my country," replies the Mexican.
The American nods, picks up the Mexican, and throws him out of the plane.
"Why did you do that?" asks the Brit.
"He fucked my wife."